It’s really the most amazing thing. Wasn’t it just 2 weeks ago that I posted photos of my birthday garden picnic at that mansion? Remember the trees being all bare? But that’s what happens when it’s Spring. Just when you’ve given up on seeing anything green, it happens, literally overnight. The 70 degree weather that we’ve been having all week doesn’t hurt either. Suddenly we’re in sandals and dresses and no jackets and there were even a few declarations of “it’s too hot!”. All this color is really dazzling and a little disorienting after being used to winter for so long.

But more visions of pink blossoms soon – we’re headed to the Cherry Blossom Festivals tomorrow at the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens. Have a great springy weekend!

The girls were given these awesome blank books by Mark’s aunt over Easter. As soon as we got home from the long drive, Claudine promptly filled hers with pages of stripes. Before even taking off her shoes, Mia took a red marker and started writing on the cover. When they ran off to their rooms, I found this: “The Times of My Life.”

So far, 4 days have passed and the inside pages remain blank. I kinda like that. Her life is very much open before her.

I’ve been feeling restless again. Oh, you know me…it’s nothing new, but I’m feeling like I need to do SOMETHING. A change – and I will be the first one to admit that this feeling is cyclical – but here it is again, for the umpteenth time. I have lost count. That feeling. Perhaps I am fickle. Or bored. Or unchallenged. Or restless.

I know I declared this very thing almost 2 years ago. That I wanted to make the moves to transition careers, but then….I had the best year ever as a freelancer, after having my best years as a freelancer the 2 years before and I was busy, no room to even breathe. The surprising thing about it was that I actually felt fine being a designer. I didn’t hate it or make excuses about hating it as I have so often done in the past, plus we weren’t struggling financially like we were before. It was nice to have money and be able to take a yearly vacation and to buy not only things we needed, but wanted. Ironically, we flourished during this recession and built something from nothing in the process.

But, it doesn’t feel like enough.

There is still so much work to do if we want to grow our brand, but I have yet to figure out how my skill sets fit into this puzzle on a daily basis long term. It may not be enough. I want to do more.

Sometimes it’s really difficult when you are your own boss and you work independently to feel any real quantitative measures of success when you’re not on that corporate ladder climb. There isn’t anyone to give you a raise. There aren’t promotions with job titles. There aren’t co-workers or staff or a boss telling you that you did a good job. Those affirmations that are traditionally built in within a corporate structure don’t really exist in the freelance world. When you’re the boss, all of this is on you. Often, you feel like you’re just moving laterally and not up. And so, this is what I’ve been feeling. That despite the fact that I’ve worked on some pretty interesting and high proile projects, I feel like I’ve been moving laterally for the last 10 years, but not really going anywhere professionally.

There was an interesting thread on my NYU grad school listserve about a month ago. Someone had posted their frustrations during a job search because of the ambiguity and changing nature of the jobs in their field. They wanted to shift to something related but still within that discipline, but was having a hard time defining that role to possible employers. Someone replied back that it wasn’t until she started calling herself that role and thinking of herself in that role that other people started seeing her that way too. I think that’s really good advice.

So friends, an answer to a question has finally emerged that has been so elusive to me in the past. “What do you enjoy doing? What do you feel passionate about?”. It may not be the one and only thing, but for now, I can stand by this answer and believe it to be true, and it’s that I like taking photographs and I like telling stories. Let’s see where this goes.

Technically 1/4.

I always wonder if mixed race people identify more with one side of their racial makeup than the other. I also wonder if you become influenced by how you identify yourself based on how you look, mostly because that’s what other people see first – your outward appearance. I’ve written about my identity confusion growing up, but my struggle wasn’t about race or ethnicity, but rather, nationality. My girls are undoubtedly American (as I am too), but I wonder if they’ll ever feel confused about what race or ethnicity they “belong” to. Will it matter by then? Does it matter now? They have stronger ties to their Korean heritage than their Russian, Norwegian or Italian side and that mostly comes from being around my side of the family more. Like many families, this centers mostly around food. We always joke that while Mia may be the whitest looking half-Asian kid ever, you can tell she has Korean in her strictly by her love of Korean food (I mean do you know any other kid that can snack on those tiny dried anchovies, right out of the bag, fish head and all, like potato chips? Yeah, thought so). Claudine, who looks more Asian than her sister, doesn’t stray at all from her typical kid diet of Mac & Cheese and other carbs.

But I’m reminded every time we do go up to visit Mark’s uncle and father upstate, that the girls have another ethnic side that we don’t really address here at home, except for these trips to visit family (we don’t really ever learn much about Mark’s Norwegian side of the family in Washington). When we do go upstate, we hear stories about how Mark’s grandmother had a pot of mushroom soup and pierogies waiting every time any grandchildren came to visit.

Mark’s uncle’s house is full of family treasures like the Russsian eggs. The girls like to try and spot Mark, as a child, in all the old family photos hanging up around the house. I’m realizing how important it is to show the girls this side of their family history too. It’s nice to think that they will have fond memories of driving up to Uncle Mike’s house, where a bowl of soup and a plate of pierogies, always await them.

Eggs. Peeps. Kinder eggs and other chocolate goodies from Norway. Grandpa. Driving home from upstate. Melting chocolate left in the car while we ate lunch at a stopover. Air conditoning on the rest of the drive home. Brooklyn. Hope your Easter was grand.

We traveled upstate last night to spend the weekend with Mark’s dad’s side of the family. We seem to find ourselves up here the last few Easters and the girls get a little dose of their Russian side. I like coming to stay at Mark’s uncle’s house because there are a lot of objects and photos here that’s tied to family history which is really cool because I feel like my mom’s house, which they moved into about 10 years ago, is pretty devoid of that kind of stuff. We don’t have old family heirlooms like these beautifully intricate pysanky eggs from the 60s and 70s.

We plan on doing Easter eggs tomorrow. I think one year we attempted to get fancy with the eggs using these as inspiration, but dude, it’s HARD. I think we’ll stick to simple egg dyes. Happy weekend.

I first met Jennifer, jewelry designer and owner of Odette New York, at the very first Brooklyn Flea 3 years ago. We were both vendors. We had just started our business and that day was our first time selling our products to any customers. Jennifer had started her jewelry line 2 years before, but we all bonded as first time vendors at the opening day in early April, in the cold outdoors, shivering, but excited to be part of this new thing called the Flea. While her stint at the Flea didn’t go beyond the first year, we’ve kept in touch and it’s been a pleasure to see her business flourish over the years.

When asked what I wanted for my big birthday last year, I responded with earrings from Odette. I think Jennifer’s jewelry has a very distinct and special style. She hand draws all her designs first and translates them into wax before casting them in metals. For my birthday this year, I picked up 3 more pieces to add to my collection, including this stunning necklace that is yet to be available for sale (but soon!) so I feel super lucky that Jennifer made one for me. She also added 2 little surprise necklaces for the girls – a bunny and a bird – and the girls were thrilled when Mark also handed them gifts on my birthday.

I finally made it over to her studio last night, which is in and of itself an inspiring place, a collaborative set of studio spaces separated by a little courtyard that make you feel like you’re in Venice, California and not Williamsburg/Greenpoint, Brooklyn. We have a small business owners support group where we gather and eat and talk about the various issues that we face as small business owners. Jennifer hosted last night in her studio (the flower shots are from an adjoining floral studio). Love all these collaborative work spaces here in Brooklyn (including our kitchen!). It just kind of proves that despite the crazy cost of living here in the city, people are making it work. Every time we meet, we leave a little less alone and a lot more inspired.

People like to complain about the long winter we’re having. It’s sort of like talking about sports – if you have nothing to talk about, you can always bring up the weather because everyone can agree about the crapiness of this winter. It HAS been long and it’s still not really as warm outside as it seems like it should be this time of year, but I’m done complaining. Besides, the magnolias are out and the trees are starting to sprout those tiny clusters of light green leaves. Surely, that signifies something.

I’m working…and a bit stressed as I head into full on design angst about this project…and we’re headed upstate tomorrow to visit family. Spring Break and the kids are off from school. Hope you’re having a good week (and thanks for all your nice words about the new site!).

First of all, thank you for all birthday wishes. You are all too nice! And now…our new site is finally live and I’m so relieved to leave our old outdated, buggy shopping cart behind. I shot all new photos for every single product, plus photos from the “Scenes from the Kitchen” series are on the site too. A whole lot of work involved and my back end programmers, Aeolidia, couldn’t have been more perfect to work with after I handed off the design (you should hire them!). Seriously, they were super great and I know I can’t be the easiest to work with because I’m so damn exact and picky. But do you know what I’m most proud of? Our Press page. So much good coverage over the years, all unsolicited.

Soooo…of course with anything involving the internet and technology, things might be buggy at first as we come across any kinks that may crop up that we couldn’t have anticipated until the site went live (because OF COURSE nothing ever works perfectly right out of the gate ’cause that would make life easy, right? MEH), so let us know if you come across anything that’s not right. Whew, onward to the next project…

I had a really good birthday this weekend. Never mind that I was sort of struck by how old I was in a way that I wasn’t last year (I’ll get to that in a different post), but I spent it with lunches and dinners out with friends starting mid-week last week, including a spontaneous visit with my old, half-Asian rapper friend on Saturday. Felt like old times when we were hanging out all the time and meeting each other up last minute and walking all over the city.

That evening, Saturday, I went to bed before midnight for the first time in many months and slept almost 9 hours. Sunday morning, the storm from the previous night cleared, and we went to the Old Westbury Gardens. I haven’t been there in about 15 years and I’m not sure why we never took the kids there considering it’s just a few minutes from where my parents live because it’s seriously like a little kid paradise of secret gardens waiting to be discovered. The trees were still pretty bare and few flowers were in bloom, but it was beautiful nonetheless and the girls were super happy to be running around this magical place. Can you believe that this was once a private residence? The mansion, and specifically the dining room, which was kept intact in period furnishings is pretty insane.

So if you’re wondering what’s up with the oysters, Mark planned a special surprise picnic with all this amazing food, including fresh oysters that he shucked right there at the picnic tables. Oh yeah, and 7 layer chocolate/white chocolate birthday cake (edit: yes, yes. Mark made the cake). And super delicious Korean food dinner with my parents later that night. Yeah, really good birthday.

I’m back to my old ways staying up way too late tonight (watching my hero, PJ Harvey live at the Youtube Coachella stream), but it’s Spring Break, the girls don’t have school in the morning and hopefully they’ll catch the hint with the bowls of cereal we left out for them on the table and let me sleep in.