family
Families are an ever evolving, often complex set of relationships, aren’t they? I look at my parents and my kids, particularly my dad who my brother and I had an uneasy relationship with growing up at times, and see how easy it is between him and the girls. It’s not something that you could ever know until it happens, much like how you don’t really know what kind of parent you will be until you become one. But this…seems so natural (uncooperative family photo poses and all).
And then there is this:
I can tell you that it took my dad a while to accept the fact that my brother was having a baby 2 years ago, mostly because it was a surprise to all of us. It didn’t happen the way that maybe he envisioned it might happen. There was a time when my dad and my brother did not speak for a few months. At one point my brother resigned to the possibility that his kids might not have the same kind of relationship that my kids have with their grandfather. I think as first generation Asian Americans and kids who grow up identifying mostly with American culture, we expect our immigrant parents to accept our decisions no questions asked. I just told my brother to give him some time.
He is right in one sense. My dad doesn’t have quite the same relationship with my brother’s kids as he does with mine, but this is because of distance and nothing more. My brother and his family live in California and we only see them once or twice a year. They were in town to celebrate my nephew’s 2nd birthday and his new daughter’s traditional 100 day celebration.
So it would come as a bit of a surprise to hear my dad make a speech during the party with our whole extended family. That he would be the one to say that despite the fact that maybe the additions to his family might not have been what he envisioned when he thought about it abstractly years ago before any of this ever happened, when he looks at his children’s spouses and his 4 grandchildren, what he sees is family.
It took my family awhile, though shorter than expected, to come around to my husband. I truly believe that the thing that finally sold them on him was what a great father he turned out to be. He didn’t look like they expected. He didn’t act like they expected. He wasn’t the race they expected, but he was a better father to their grandchildren than they ever could have hoped for.
I relate to so many of your posts, but this one really struck a chord.
this is great. my dad, on the other hand, still has no idea what to do. so sad.
beautifully written and so are the pictures
Good lord, I haven’t finished my coffee and I teared up at my desk after reading your father’s toast. I truly believe that time is a huge element in parental relationships with us 1st generation Korean-Americans. Growing up, I absolutely did not believe that I would have the kind of relationship that I now have with my mother. It took time for me to mature and to have some empathy for my parents and it took time for them to mellow and accept me for who I am. The fact that our parents are now capable of expressing their love and emotions openly makes my heart ache but only in the very best way.
I get choked up just reading this. I always get choked up when the older men in my family say something emotional at family gatherings (We are a family of many burly men). Thanks for sharing such an intimate moment.
My eyes got full of tears! I will blame on the hormones…!
I really believe that grandchildren are like little angels that bring out the best in a lot of grandparents. My parents, for one, are divorced but every time I visit them (in another country) they don’t mind doing things together just so both can spend the same amount of time with the grandchildren.
That is touching…it is quite amazing how family evolves.
“I can tell you that it took my dad a while to accept the fact that my brother was having a baby 2 years ago, mostly because it was a surprise to all of us. It didn’t happen the way that maybe he imagined it to happen.”
Maybe I’m just not reading between the lines, but I’m confused about what your father didn’t want to accept and why it was surprising to everyone?
You all look like a very happy family!
what a beautifully written post, thank you, thank you.
thought you might like this quote:
The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together
x
Babies have an almost miraculous way of bringing people together.
You have a beautiful family Jenna.
Beautiful! It is what so great about the whole “American” experience…the melding of cultures. I am Filipino-American, married to a Frenchman, living in the US. I think my parents feel the same way as your parents. They love their grandchildren unconditionally and have come to love and appreciate the richness of our new, extended family.
gah…i’m tearing up at my desk at work. i totally know this feeling, and it makes me happy to read your (and your dad’s) words.
I loved this post! I wish I had given my daughter her 100 day celebration.
Beautiful. The expression, and the family.
There is no division or discord in my Anglo Australian family but on both sides there is an unwillingness to spend quality time with the grandkids & build relationships with them. I don’t get it at all. My husband & I can’t wait for our kids (currently 10 & 11!) to have their own kids. We already talk of how we’ll help out & what we’ll do with them.
Jacqui
I love you blog and this post. I am not Asian, I am Caucasian, and so is my husband. My parent’s have not accepted my sweet and loving husband. I saw my parents for the first time in 1.5 years this past Saturday. They didn’t invite my husband, just me and I went for my dad’s b-day. I miss them so much but I am unsure if they will ever be open to my husband. It is so hard. I hope they understand that we are package deal esp once we have children. Families are so difficult and wonderful at the same time. Thank you for the hopeful message.
this story brought a tear to my eye. family is family children bring love!
so beautiful.
lovely. you write from the heart so well.
Man, so beautiful to hear about the toast that your dad made. Nice.
Such an uplifting story, I’m so happy for your family Jenna. Nice to see wen things like this finally come together.
The last picture made me tear up. I gave birth 9 months ago and wasn’t able to breastfeed. Although I have been happy with the bottle, “breast is best” is still in the back of my mind. But this picture shows that bottlefeeding can also be very special and that it can give other caregivers than the mother special moments. Thank you.
Amazing how family can come through in the best ways at the most unexpected times. They can break your heart, but they can also help put it back together.