Hi. It seems as if maybe some of you were under the impression that I was closing down the blog. I’m not, but sometimes you need a break and sometimes you just don’t have anything worth sharing. I haven’t even picked up my camera very much in the last month. To be honest, all of November consisted of printing, trimming, collating and packaging calendars! That’s all I’ve been really doing all month long. I’m happy to say I raised way more money than I thought I would and distributed the funds to 7 different Sandy relief charities and 2 businesses that were destroyed. Thank you to everybody who bought a calendar this month which enabled us to do that.
But getting back to this space, I think I just need to retreat a little and I’ve been doing that lately. And you know what? It feels pretty nice. Just living life and going about your business, not so that you can blog, tweet or instagram about it later. I am getting a bit weary with the constant impulse to announce every little detail or event or happening in your life, good or bad. Maybe you can tell this about me or maybe you can’t, but I’m a fairly introverted person and sort of private in real life (but I’m completely comfortable being open about the things I do share). Every once in awhile when I stop to think about it, however, all of this “public journaling” (for a lack of a better word) can momentarily freak me out only because I suddenly feel vulnerable – and that’s the word that I think may best sum up this year for me. It wasn’t the worst, but it certainly wasn’t the best and I can honestly say that I have felt more scared, uncertain and vulnerable about life and the future than I have in a really long time. Some things in my life seem to be at a brink of transition. This isn’t the fear of getting old; nostalgia aside, I think I’m pretty comfortable in my own skin at this point, but I do have to say that I am feeling less confident and insecure about some things as I get older. I thought the opposite was supposed to happen? Maybe in the past I would have ruminated over these things here, but lately I haven’t felt entirely comfortable doing so.
It’s looking more and more like winter these days, stark and naked branches against the sky and a daily scramble to find mittens and hats on our way out the door. But when we went on a walk over Thanksgiving weekend we found this little stretch of trees in the woods that still had much of its red and yellow leaves intact on its branches. It seemed like the sun was just hovering over this little spot, illuminating the leaves in this little halo of golden light. I wanted to stay there for awhile, but the kids were running around, always wanting to move on to the next thing. It made me realize that Fall was over in the blink of an eye this year, faster than usual. We didn’t really get to enjoy the foliage all that much in its full glory in the city, or experience it fully immersed in colorful hills during day trips a little north like we always do every year. The hurricane had a lot to do with that I suppose – an unexpected disruption in the season – but we’re coming up on December and winter now. Time to retreat and cozy up, pull the blankets a little tighter around you, try to feel a little more secure and safe. The season is fitting. This is how I’m feeling these days.