tree follies
The scene is set in a Brooklyn apartment. A 7 foot tree lays on its side on the hardwood floor. A man struggles to fit the cheap metal tree stand on the 7 footer, cursing under his breath that he could have sworn that he declared last Christmas as the last year they would use this flimsy tree stand.
He tightens the screws, hoists the tree back up and the family stands back.
The tree is crooked.
The man lays the tree back down, fiddles with the screws around the trunk and hoists the tree back up. The family stands back and looks.
Crooked.
The man summons the woman to hold the tree as he attempts to adjust the 7 footer in a vertical position. They stand back again.
Still slightly crooked. But maybe good enough.
He flicks at the tree to make sure that it is stable and won’t fall over in the middle of the night as it did a few years back. The tree seems stable.
Satisfied, the man goes away. The woman slowly circles the tree, scratches her head, stares, and stands back. She calls for the man.
“It’s still a bit crooked”, she says, hesitantly.
The man approaches the tree and instructs the woman to stand back to make sure the tree is straight as he wrestles with the tree and the stand once again.
“Ok, it’s straight”. They both stand back and nod.
The man goes about sweeping up the needles around the tree, but in a split second, the tree tips over and falls on the man. He lays under the tree for a minute, deflated and defeated before standing back up. “That’s it”, he says as he puts on his coat, grabs some cash from the other room and storms out the front door in search of a sturdier tree stand.
The kids, who have been sitting on the couch the whole time oblivious to the scene happening before them, look up and notice that the tree is down and the man is nowhere to be seen.
“Where’s Daddy?”, asks the little one.
“I think he’s under the tree”, says the older one.
The girls shrug and go back to their game.
We’ve all been there, but I have to say this is the most hilarious tale of Christmas tree woe that I have ever heard. Sorry, Mark…
oh wow. That is golden. Yesterday it took me 2 hours messing with a christmas tree stand of the cheap plastic variety that didn’t want to hold up my narrow trunk of a tree. I finally caved and spent $50 on a cast iron stand! Only my husband was the one telling me it was crooked but not offering to help (he was studying for an exam) and the tree was thankfully light enough to not knock the wind out of me;)!
Great snapshot of your night! Thanks for the laughs!
HA! You’ve just described our exact tree experience year after year after year.
I’m with Mark on this one. With a mallet, he might be able to fashion an ornament out of the old tree stand.
BEAUTIFUL ACCOUNT, Jenna! Priceless.
Hilarious! I´m glad that the tree problem is up to several grandparents this year. Our job at Christmas will be driving the 5 month old around the country. Ta.
WONDERFUL!! THANKS FOR THE LAUGH!! MARIE
Love. Tree stands!
Is it wrong I think it’s a little romantic, that a husband/father will go out of their way to go buy a tree stand so that everything can be good for their family:)
Wonderful story, and so funny! Thank you so much for sharing it with us!
Ah, the joys of the season!
thanks for that well written vignette of your evening — it made me giggle!
That’s hilarious! It’s great to start out the day with a laugh.
Such a cute post! That is why I put up a simple, modern, yet vintage inspired Manzanita branch every year!
So funny! A nearly identical situation happened to us this year too. Only we gave up and used blocks underneath to level it out. Also, after all the fuss, we realized 2 days later that we forgot to water it :/
hahaha! excellent
LOL!! Seriously, one of the funniest things I’ve read in a while..
Thx for sharing..
That was hilarious! You actually made me laugh out loud which is very rare. Thanks for sharing. Have a great holiday season.
thanks!
I needed a laugh.
wish there were pictures.
making memories… good stuff.
Love Love your site, always check in every couple of weeks for an update. A wonderful peek into the Botanical Gardens, wonderful photos. Just wanted to let you know that you received a thoughtful “shout out” on Shutterbean today- Whimsy and Spice as a unique and special gift destination. Well deserved! You run your blog and your business beautifully….happy holiday.
HILARIOUS!
this just happened to us! my husband of course got a tree much too large. after several attempts on getting into the stand, he then had to drag it outside and saw it down. he dragged it back into the house and finally got it to stand. that took two hours. he and the kids decorated and put them to bed and at 9pm, ready to chill for the night finally, he sat down and crash, the tree toppled over. he accepted defeat. removed everything, took the tree out again, cleaned up and the next day got a proper stand to hold the still heavy and big tree. i said, at least next year you can finally get the big tree that you’ve been wanting. what is it with guys wanting everything big?
where is daddy? I think he’s under the tree…it’s just hilarious and so-matter-of-fact-child-like! love this
We’ve all been there! Thanks for sharing!
The best post ever!
Ahhh this made me giggle!