looking for the bright spots

April 2, 2013 |  Category:   life



I found these stars on the ground while I was hiding Easter candy in the forest upstate over the weekend. Everything is still so stripped of color since nothing has bloomed yet – not even a sign of buds on the trees – and the shiny green stars caught the light. It was like finding treasure. Interestingly enough, the girls didn’t find this little patch of stars. I guess they were too blinded by the candy hunting. Just as well. I feel like it’s my little secret only meant for me to see.


Remember a few weeks ago when I said how content I was what with what I was doing at the moment and how I’ve accepted the fact that I’m working a lot right now without any time for personal projects or our business? Oh, well forget I said that. You should never listen to anything I say because I’ve had the worst anxiety this past week over this and almost everything else imaginable. What can I say? Being middle aged isn’t easy. It’s sort of like being a teenager all over again and that is the only way I can even begin to accurately describe it. When I think of it that way, it makes all the sense in the world.

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  • Sarah April 2, 2013 at 5:55 pm

    What a pleasant surprise…a new post and I just found you…..

    All I can do is offer a smile because I’m feeling the same way. And being like a teenager is much nicer than being called crazy, which I feel like I am sometimes lately.
    Just keep looking for the bright spots and get rid of things that are not. It should all fall into place soon…that’s what my mother tells me. xo

  • Rebecca April 2, 2013 at 6:11 pm

    Oh I love finding little things like that seem meant just for me. I too like this teenager analogy. I don’t want to become a crazy old lady. I cut my hair really short recently..not a super big fan of it, but I keep telling myself it was part of my bucket list of things to do before I turn 40, or even before I turn 60 and feel like I must cut all my hair off.

    hang in there with life & all the anxiety. Those thoughts are part of the ultimate paradox of being a mom, a woman, a wife, a business owner -we can have it all, and yet we can’t. xo

    • Jenna April 2, 2013 at 8:59 pm

      Oh, you mean like leaning in? Ha. I haven’t read that book but I’m curious to because I don’t want to form opinions without reading it first.

  • Caroline April 2, 2013 at 8:49 pm

    I feel your pain too.. Although its a tiny bit awkward to be offering you therapeutic help – the hell – it might help? I found that this really works when I get into a round of anxious thoughts that seem to circle my mind. For me it seems to be when I start worrying about the future (or the past) and I’m no longer in the present, enjoying, or just being in the moment. So I use the tapping method and its surprisingly effective! A cross between acupressure and meditation – takes about 5 mins. Word of warning: the explanation is pretty weird and I don’t really buy into the energy balancing thing but it works for a lot of people… http://www.emofree.com/eft/recipe.html

    • Jenna April 4, 2013 at 10:33 am

      Interesting! I’ll have to try it.

  • Rachel April 2, 2013 at 8:56 pm

    Oh no, don’t tell me that…my middle-aged years are supposed to be the point in my life when I can finally not an anxious mess all the time! Or maybe our whole lives just feel like adolescence in some way or another and I should just learn to suck it up…=]

    • Jenna April 2, 2013 at 9:00 pm

      Maybe yours won’t be! But for some of us, yeah….anxiety and angst. Like trying to figure out your life all over again.

  • Jill April 3, 2013 at 8:57 am

    Glittery star party! I love it.

    Also, this might be a silly question, but isn’t the anxiety and angst part of the package deal you sign up for when you’re an intelligent, gifted woman who’s also an artist? :)

    • Jenna April 3, 2013 at 9:03 am

      Oh, is that what it is Jill? I don’t know – tell me again when you reach my age!

  • linda April 3, 2013 at 11:33 am


    your photos always provide me with the best moments of escape, however fleeting– thank you! sorry you’re not feeling great, anxiety makes everything seem so unreasonable and reasonable at the same time. the worst of it always eventually passes though, and everything does usually turn out okay.

    feel better soon!

    • Jenna April 3, 2013 at 1:40 pm

      Thank you Linda!

  • Mieke Zamora-Mackay April 3, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    It really does come in waves, doesn’t it? I was feeling the same too just prior to Easter. Nothing like an Easter party at an affluent friend’s house, where you’re the least affluent one there, to make you feel anxious about what you’re doing with your life.

    • Jenna April 3, 2013 at 1:40 pm

      Oh god, yes. I have been there.

  • Pamela April 3, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    Are you kidding me? Teenage-dom is what awaits me around the corner? *falls to ground in despair*

  • Mary Anne April 4, 2013 at 6:51 am

    Hi Jenna I hope the anxiety lessens for you. As a fellow sufferer I can empathize. I totally forgot that I also went to a therapist who did that tapping thing Caroline said about. I think it worked for me at that time but havent done it for years! Maybe I ‘ll check it out again. Make sure you take extra care of yourself at this time or do some things that might ease your anxiety even for a little bit – a nice hot drink or shower, buy some flowers, talk with a friend, hugs with your family. Big warm hugs from Down Under x

  • maja April 4, 2013 at 12:48 pm

    Can we just call it teen angst redux? That makes me feel better about it :)

  • Juliet April 4, 2013 at 10:47 pm

    I feel a tremendous amount of anxiety too. A lot of it is financially driven and work related. The world is a competitive place and there really is no financial security, no matter what field you are in. I am trying to have perspective on all of this, but sometimes it feels like I’m carrying the world on my shoulders. I know it sounds melodramatic. Sometimes I think I need to find a new line of work.

  • Cristina April 5, 2013 at 4:36 am

    oh Jenna, your post made me laugh a lot because I can totally relate to what you describe. I’m just a step away from 40 now and it feels so weird as it seems to me I’m just going into my thirties (!). Also, I experiment the same rollercoaster emotion rides as you do, then it all settles down and I’m pretty content then it begins over again. Real fun, I say…Anyway, it’s (always) nice to read your blog because you are so earnest and totally unself-conscious and to meet in this virtual place you’ve created :-)