I mean this has been a slow summer, right? (though I am working a bit right now). But my mind’s been bouncing around like Pong on caffeine and I haven’t been able to get to sleep til 3am most nights. There are ideas. ALOT of ideas and I’m making connections, some of which I feel will be very important some day, but right now I’m paralyzed by the thought of executing them and I feel like I’m all over the place. I know I over think. I know that I am, still, even after all these years and life lessons learned, crippled by the thought of doing something that is less than perfect. I am a control freak. I know that these are my greatest obstacles, but even the slightest hope that I’ll be able to leave behind the things that I don’t want to do anymore will, in the end, push me through. I *have* to believe this.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the paths that we choose to take in life, whether it was calculated, organic in its progression or accidental. It may not have been completely clear at the time, but I think I’m old enough at this point to look back and see the that each step, each job, each project has led me to where I am. I can pinpoint the exact moment in my life exactly 10 years ago that, had I made a different choice, would have most likely led me down a much different path. I look at some of my friends and classmates and see just how far they’ve risen up in their careers (by the way, DO NOT start poking around and looking up where your friends have ended up if you’re feeling even a little insecure about yourself, because you’re most certainly going to feel like craaaap). Had I made that other choice, I could have been like them. I have worked on some very interesting and high profile projects so I don’t understand why I sometimes feel a slight tinge of career envy when I know that corporate life isn’t for me. It is confusing. Perhaps it’s just human nature to measure yourself against your peers, but this feeling is uncomfortable.

I know I slipped in the line about the “store” rather casually a few posts back. The truth is, we are doing it. I don’t know where, I don’t even know when, but it is more in the “near future” rather than “far”. It is so overwhelming though, you guys. I don’t even know where to start. This may just be the hardest thing that I will have ever done in my life so far.

ps. the J.Crew catalog. I want. Everything. Or maybe I just want the styling. btw, I just saw on the class list that Jenna Lyon’s son is going to Claudine (and Mia’s old) preschool. I promise I won’t start stalking just so I can see inside their brownstone in real life. No. No, that would be creepy and just plain wrong.

Even pancakes. 3 flavors: pumpkin cornmeal, apple and sour milk, and clove and rosewater cooked up by a historic gastronomist in the park near our house.

Also during this busy, spring-like weekend, Claudine learned how to scooter. She went slow and steady while all the other neighbor kids zoomed around her on their razors, but she was so cute that I wanted to constantly go over to her and give her a squeeze.

But I restrained myself.

Aside from her visible excitement over finally learning how to scoot, she looked like a little old granny with that little leg of hers chugging and pushing the ground away with turtle speed.

Another holiday has come and gone. This year’s Valentine’s day really sneaked up on me. I had a busy week before our shipping day, Mia’s birthday, and all of a sudden I was over my head in cookies and cardboard boxes again. But everything made it out just fine – it always does, somehow. Through it all I actually had one or two days that I did not see the kids at all. To make it up to them I promised them a special Valentine’s breakfast, which ended up being these fresh baked muffins with lots of bacon. The sprinkling of coarse sugar on the top gives them a nice crunch.

Cranberry Walnut Muffins (makes 10 muffins)

1-1/3 cups sugar
6 Tablespoons butter, softened
1 egg, plus 1 egg white
1/2 cup plus 1 Tablespoon buttermilk
1/2 teaspoon orange extract
1/3 cup vegetable oil
2-1/3 cups all-purpose flour
1 Tablespoon baking powder
1-1/2 teaspoons salt
1-1/3 cups fresh cranberries
1 cup roughly chopped walnuts
2 Tablespoons coarse turbinado sugar (optional)

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Beat the butter and sugar in an electric mixer until fluffy and well-mixed. Gradually add the eggs, oil, buttermilk and orange extract (they should all be mixed together first). Slowly mix in the flour, baking powder and salt, mix until thoroughly combined. Fold in the cranberries and walnuts by hand. Divide the batter evenly between 10 muffin cups, either lined with muffin papers or sprayed with a nonstick spray. Sprinkle each muffin with a little coarse sugar, then bake on the top oven rack for about 25 minutes, or until completely cooked in the center. Cool for a few minutes before removing from the pan.

Scones have always been one of my favorite breakfast pastries, not just because they are delicious, but also because they are quick and easy – they don’t even require an electric mixer. For that reason I would choose to whip up a batch of scones any time we had guests over in the morning. This is a new variation that I had never tried before – I wanted the taste of a bran muffin in the form of a scone. You will need pure wheat bran for this recipe, not bran flake cereal like so many muffin recipes call for. Pure wheat bran can be found in any health food store and any dried fruit can be added to the mix, like raisins, currants, or cranberries. I used a mixture of chopped up prunes and chocolate chips and I’m happy to report that both kids absolutely loved them.

Bran Scones with Dried Fruit (makes 12 medium sized scones)

2 cups flour
1 cup wheat bran
2 Tablespoons sugar
1 Tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup dried fruit, roughly chopped if necessary (for larger pieces like prunes, mango, etc…)
1/3 cup chocolate chips
1 Tablespoon Molasses
1 cup plus 2 Tablespoons heavy cream

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Combine everything except the molasses and cream in a large mixing bowl. Separate the pieces of dried fruit so that they are no longer stuck together and are coated with the flour mixture. Add the molasses and cream, and stir until a dough is formed. Knead briefly until smooth, then divide the dough in half. Form each half into a circle about 1/2-inch thick. Cut each circle into 6 wedges, and transfer the wedges to a pan lined with parchment paper. Sprinkle each scone with a little extra sugar and bake until completely cooked, about 20 minutes depending on the thickness.

It’s starting out considerably better than yesterday: a sunny, beautiful day and a brunch/easter party for kids hosted by my non-parent friend Christy. Good food, story time, an easter present hunt and confetti. On the way home from Ft. Greene, Claudine proclaimed it “the best best party I’ve ever ever seen”.

Making quiche brings back some not-so-fond restaurant memories. It was at the end of my tenure at the Central Park Boathouse and I was asked to create a quiche for the brunch menu. I made a few versions, but ultimately we all decided on a traditional quiche Lorraine – smoked bacon, gruyere and leeks. I thought my work was done, but it turned out that I, and my staff of 2 others, were going to be responsible for cooking them each weekend. And if you hadn’t guessed, brunch at the Boathouse is pretty busy. It turned out to be a huge hit and we were making over 100 orders…for each day! I needed to go into work at 4:00 in the morning just to have that and everything else ready for the day. I got just a little frustrated with the workload, so it was at that point I started entertaining ideas of finding a new job. It’s hard to believe that was just over a year ago. Maybe it is because of that quiche that I am where I am today (still working my ass off, but for myself). They still have it on the menu there, but here is the same recipe on a smaller scale and with spinach and cheddar as the filling. But really, you can put any filling you like.

A note about the crust: For this, and probably any pie recipe I have ever posted, I always use a recipe from The Pie And Pastry Bible by Rose Levy Beranbaum. Why? She spent years perfecting the recipes, so they are about as perfect as a crust can be. They are pretty easy, the texture is nice, and they taste great. I chose the Flaky Cream Cheese Crust for my quiche this time, as it pairs better with savory fillings.

Spinach Cheddar Quiche (makes 1 9-inch quiche)

For the Crust:
6 Tablespoons cold butter, cut into small pieces
1 cup flour
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 cup cream cheese
1 Tablespoon cold water
1-1/2 teaspoon apple cider vinegar

For the filling:
4 ounces spinach, chopped
1 Tablespoon butter
3/4 cup milk
3/4 cup heavy cream
4 eggs
2 egg yolks
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
3 ounces grated cheddar cheese

First, prepare the crust. Put the butter, flour, salt and baking powder into a food processor and pulse until the butter is mostly incorporated. Add the cream cheese and continue pulsing until that is incorporated as well. Add the cold water and vinegar and mix until a dough forms. Flatten it into a circle and refrigerate for a few minutes. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Roll out the dough on a floured surface until it is big enough to fill a 9-inch pie pan. Lay it into the pie pan, making sure to press it into the corners, and crimp the edges decoratively. Cut a circle of parchment or wax paper large enough to cover the crust, and lay it on the top, then fill it with uncooked beans, rice, or something similar (this is called blind baking). Bake in the preheated oven for about 30 minutes. Remove the beans or rice, and bake for another 10 minutes or so, until the crust is completely cooked. Remove from the oven, but leave the oven on.

Prepare the filling while the crust is baking. Melt the butter in a large pan, and saute the spinach for just a few minutes until cooked. Set aside. Pour the milk and cream into a small saucepan and bring almost to a boil. Whisk the eggs, yolks, salt and pepper together in a heatproof bowl, then slowly add the hot milk while continuing to whisk (this is called tempering). Put the cooked spinach and grated cheese into the baked pie shell. Pour the milk and egg mixture over that – it should just fill it all the way up. Return to the oven and bake for about 45 minutes, or until the filling is completely set. Let it rest for at least 30 minutes before attempting to slice.

I decided to make some gravlax the other day with a piece of salmon fillet that I never got around to cooking for dinner. It’s a great way to preserve fish and Mia has always been known as a smoked salmon fiend. At any party with smoked salmon she would park herself in front of the buffet until it was gone. It takes three days to cure the fish so I started it Saturday night. I made the mistake of telling Mia that I was making it, but it wouldn’t be ready for a few days. “But I want some salmon noooow!”, she would say every day until it was finally done. Well, it turns out that she didn’t like it, strangely enough. “Not smoky enough”, or “I like the white parts, with crispy bits”, she would say. No problem, it’s just more for me and Jenna.

Gravlax

One fresh salmon fillet, about 2 pounds (center cut is best)
2 Tablespoons kosher salt
1/4 cup sugar
2 Tablespoons dried dill, or 1/4 cup chopped fresh dill
1 Tablespoon ground black pepper

Cut the salmon into two equal sized pieces, leaving the skin on. Mix the remaining ingredients together. Sprinkle a bit on the bottom of a pan big enough to hold the salmon. Put one piece of salmon skin side down in the dish. Coat it liberally with more of the mixture, and place the other piece of salmon on the top, skin side up, making sort of a sandwich. Put the remaining mixture on the top. Cover it with plastic wrap. Put something heavy on top of the salmon to weigh it down – another pan, or a plate with something else on top of it. Refrigerate it for three days, flipping it over once a day. After three days, rinse off the sugar-salt mixture, and slice and serve as needed.

If you feel like experimenting, try using different herbs and spices to flavor the gravlax. A restaurant where I used to work made a delicious curry gravlax, where they would mix a generous amount of curry powder into the sugar and salt mixture.

Fresh cranberries are one of my favorite impulse buys around this time every year. I subconsciously realize that they’re a seasonal product, even though they might not seem like it, and feel compelled to buy some. Sometimes I’ll make muffins, maybe some chutney or relish. This time I made a nice quick bread with them. It is a scaled down variation of a recipe I used to use in restaurants which explains why some of the measurements are in ounces – I apologize to all those out there without kitchen scales.

Cranberry Bread (makes one 9-inch loaf)

8-1/2 ounces all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
1/2 teaspoon ground mace
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
5/8 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3-1/2 ounces butter, at room temperature
6 ounces sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 ounces sour cream
3 ounces buttermilk
1-1/2 cups fresh cranberries, washed and dried

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Sift the dry ingredients together and set aside. Beat the butter and sugar in an electric mixer with the paddle attachment until light and fluffy. Beat in the eggs and vanilla. Gradually add the dry ingredients, alternating with the sour cream and buttermilk. Continue beating until smooth. Fold in the cranberries by hand. Spray a 9 inch loaf pan with nonstick spray, and pour in the batter. Bake for 50-60 minutes, until cooked in the middle. Test it with a toothpick, if it comes out clean after sticking it in the center, it is cooked. Cool in the pan for a few minutes, then remove from the pan and cool completely.

Muffins used to be the one thing that I could make for breakfast that everyone in the family would go crazy for. Banana muffins, bran muffins, even chunky apple cranberry muffins, they would always be a hit. So with my recent apple surplus from apple picking I figured everyone would love some apple bran muffins. But no, they were met with little excitement and were not devoured like they used to be. I used to make muffins all the time, but they have fallen out of the rotation during the past few months, so maybe they just need some getting used to again. Or maybe this batch just wasn’t the best. I’m going to try a new recipe next time, probably one with molasses – I think molasses is a key ingredient in a good bran muffin, so these apple bran muffins might make an appearance again.

Back in late July our friends Melissa and Brendan (whose kids are in the doorway photo from a few posts back) invited us over for brunch to try out a recipe from David Chang of Momofuko fame, which was going to be included in Esquire Magazine’s 75th anniversary issue where Brendan was working at the time. This breakfast of grits, fried farm eggs, pickled scallions, radish and salted ham scraps delivered a nice contrast of textures, and sour and salty flavors. The 75th issue of Esquire is out on news stands now and the recipe is also online. As I recall, Mia might have been the only kid at the brunch to eat the dish with soft eggs, which was really a key component to the dish, but she is fond of soft eggs in general. Mark, on the other hand, can only really eat eggs scrambled (he’s not a real fan of eating eggs), so he had a version with scrambled eggs. Not quite the same since the runny egg yolk helped bring the dish together, both in flavor and texture. If you’re feeling especially ambitious for brunch one day, give the recipe a try.