It was chilly today. The wind didn’t help and today was perhaps the first day that truly smelled like Fall. I got a whiff of that burning leaves/wood smoke Fall smell while I was pushing Claudine to her class today and I couldn’t help but think that happier times are ahead: pumpkins, Halloween, crunchy leaves, turkey, bountiful farmer’s markets and all those cute cool weather clothes we’ve all been dying to wear. It really is my favorite time of the year and the thought of all things Fall just makes me happy.
This is a good thing because lately I’ve been struggling to keep anxious thoughts away. Seems like our family has been struck with a rash of bad luck lately: 2 car accidents, one of which was serious, a fairly severe burn injury and a big event happening any day now that has been tainted by difficult family bullshit. Plus, I am not working these days…which means there are no upcoming paychecks. Guys, it is weird not to work. I am not used to it at all and I’ve come to realize that I am only really comfortable when I am juggling multiple projects at once. So the no-working thing is throwing me way off, but somehow the day gets filled and hours fly by. I’ve been spending most of my days trying to enjoy this current life of semi-leisure (all relative though, right? There are still the kids and the business to tend to everyday) while finally checking long overdue tasks off my to-do list (like the most dreadful of tasks, updating the portfolio) and trying to keep unnecessarily dramatic thoughts that we’ll all end up destitute in check. It’s been stressful.
On the bright side, I plan to spend more time with my camera, learning more about exposure and lighting while I bear with this slowdown at work. I’ve taken photography classes before in art school and also as an elective while I studied music, but that was ages and ages ago and taking a class is something I’ve been considering. I’ve come to realize that as much as I am non-committal towards design, I feel the most creatively satisfied these days with the camera and I wonder if there is any room for a gradual career switch. I don’t know if that is realistic, financially. What I do know is that we should all be given the opportunity to explore the path that brings us happiness. Client-based design is not that path for me. Just having that clarity seems like a huge step.
So…it’s about looking ahead. And focusing on the positives like Mark’s mom, who is here visiting and is now cancer free. It’s about keeping the nerves in check and keeping busy so there is no time to indulge my overactive imagination. Soon enough all the leaves will have fallen, the weather will be too frigid to enjoy outdoors and we’ll all be pining for spring. Let’s enjoy Fall now.