He’s gone

August 30, 2011 |  Category:   family life

Tobi at the beginning of his life. Tobi at the end of his life.

Ridiculously surreal to be dealing with this over the phone 3000 miles away. We were on a ferry departing the San Juan Islands when I got a phone call from our cat sitter. I made the authorization to the vet to euthanize in the car ride back to Seattle. Mia overheard the phone conversations. She was very upset. Claudine was too busy with her sticker book on the ferry and was napping in the car so she wasn’t aware of what was going on. Mark later told her when they were sitting together on a park bench in Seattle that Tobi was sick and sleeping forever when she said that she missed him (she has said that a few times over the course of the trip). She then stepped away from the bench and started crying.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was all alone those last hours, but our neighbor (1 of 3 people we asked to stop by and take care of our cat) sent me photos of his kids giving Tobi lots of pets and hugs yesterday. The 2 year old wanted to see the cat again so they went over a second time. This made me feel better. He had lots of company on his last day.

I suspect it won’t really hit us until we get home. I’ll likely never forget that ferry ride.

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  • linn August 30, 2011 at 3:02 am

    I’m sorry to hear this. But I’m sure like you say that he didn’t feel alone his last day.
    I know the feeling, the dog we had when I grew up passed aways when I had moved from home and lived temporarily in a different country, And she was alone the day she passed, but I hope she didn’t feel alone or pain.
    Again, sorry.
    My first comment here, so I also want to say thank you for great pictures and stories.

  • Giselle August 30, 2011 at 3:11 am

    i’m sorry to hear about your cat ๐Ÿ™ but i’m sure he wasn’t lonely on his last day. and if he was sick. he probably wanted to just go to sleep forever. x

  • theaxx August 30, 2011 at 3:49 am

    oh!!!!!!!!! I’m so so so so sorry. he and you were lucky to have met ๐Ÿ™‚ xxxxx

  • Joy August 30, 2011 at 3:51 am

    This is so sad. Tobi is a beautiful cat.

  • Ally August 30, 2011 at 4:08 am

    I am so so sorry to hear about tobi’s passing. He was a beautiful cat, and my heart goes out to you and family. I choose to believe tobi knew how much you all cared for him, even if you weren’t physically there with him at the end.

  • Helle (Helen) August 30, 2011 at 4:13 am

    Really sad to hear Tobi has had to be let go. I can’t imagine what it would be like for me to loose one of my cats while not being there. But good to know, for you, that he had lots of company and people who took good care of him.

  • Jennelle August 30, 2011 at 4:22 am

    I’m so sorry to hear the news about Tobi…added to the fact that it happened while you all were so far away ๐Ÿ™

    Don’t worry, you did not abandon him.

  • Emma August 30, 2011 at 4:23 am

    So sorry to hear this.

  • Elizabeth August 30, 2011 at 4:27 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss of such and adorable furry friend.

  • Camille August 30, 2011 at 4:46 am

    I think about you a lot.

  • olivia August 30, 2011 at 5:19 am

    I’m so, so sorry for you all….

  • Caddy August 30, 2011 at 5:56 am

    My condolences. May he rest in peace.

  • PInk Ronnie August 30, 2011 at 5:58 am

    Oh Jenna, I’m so sorry for your loss…. sending you and your family hugs and love from Sydney.
    Ronnie xo

  • Mariana Veloso August 30, 2011 at 6:04 am

    I’m sitting here crying…Lots of supportive hugs for you, Mark and the girls from sunny Oporto (Portugal).

  • cocopuff1212 August 30, 2011 at 6:08 am

    I am very sorry about your loss. I’ll be thinking about you, your family and Tobi.

  • kat August 30, 2011 at 7:27 am

    My heart goes out to you. I know how hard it is to say goodbye to a loved one. You did the right thing by giving the orders, you were there for him is whole life and he knew that he was loved!

  • Mirna August 30, 2011 at 7:43 am

    I’m so sad to read that . You couldn’t do more for him and you didn’t abandoned him.
    That’s life but it’s hard. I hope it won’t be too hard for you to go back and not see him.

  • Gaby August 30, 2011 at 7:48 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

  • Eoki August 30, 2011 at 7:48 am

    I’m sorry for your loss. There will always be a Tobi sized place in your hearts.

  • Jennifer August 30, 2011 at 8:12 am

    I am so so sorry for your loss. As much as it hurts now, just try to remember all the good times you had with Tobi. He knew you loved him and while you may feel guilty about not being there, it may be for the best that you weren’t. Your girls can remember him still in your place and with them as he was.

    I’ve gone through this a couple times and it never gets easier. My heart is breaking for you all right now.

  • m August 30, 2011 at 8:18 am

    reading your blog has been a lovely visit into a perfect strangers world. it reminds me that every single person i pass has a little universe of things going on in their lives. thank you for sharing some of the meaningful real moments of your life.

  • The Style Box August 30, 2011 at 8:41 am

    Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family today. It’s never easy losing a pet. x

  • Kathy August 30, 2011 at 8:59 am

    So, so sorry…

  • Cristina August 30, 2011 at 9:01 am


  • Vanessa August 30, 2011 at 9:05 am

    People without pets don’t understand how difficult this experience is. I’m sorry to hear about this, really. I know how it feels. I’m so glad that Tobi had good company at the end. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Dusty August 30, 2011 at 9:24 am

    Jenna and Family,
    I am so sorry to read about Tobi’s passing. It sounds like he lived a charmed life and loved/was loved by the sweetest of families. Take care of your broken hearts, may they heal in the happiest memories of loving him.

  • jodi August 30, 2011 at 9:27 am

    i am so very, very sorry for your loss. xo

  • Renata August 30, 2011 at 9:29 am

    Iยดm so sorry to hear that Jenna, itยดs such a sad feeling when you lose a beloved pet. Donยดt get caught up on the guilt of not being there, it happens and you know he lived a happy life as part of your family.

  • jamie August 30, 2011 at 9:42 am

    i’m so sorry.

    it sounds like he was very well loved on his last day.


  • jessie may August 30, 2011 at 9:45 am

    So sorry to read your news. It’s hard losing a pet, especially when you have children; you feel their sadness too and wish you could take it away. I hope you find comfort in lots of happy memories of Tobi. Hugs to you x

  • linda August 30, 2011 at 9:51 am

    tobi seemed very loved, from the beginning ’til the very end.

    im so sorry for your lost. these things are never easy. =(

  • michelle August 30, 2011 at 9:56 am

    Oh Jenna I tried to think of something comforting to say but all I could come up with is this just sucks. I’m sure you had it in the back of your mind that this could possibly happen while you were away but it’s not fair that it did.

    After my kitty passed I swore I caught glimpses of her out of the corner of my eye for months. It’s crazy how long they stay with you.

  • Samantha August 30, 2011 at 10:06 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I couldn’t imagine what it is like to loose a pet while away from home, but I think that it speaks volumes that you have 3 people who so seemed to loved him enough to be their for him in the end.

  • stephanie August 30, 2011 at 10:06 am

    oh jenna, so so heart breaking. I’m sorry for your loss.

  • Kirstin August 30, 2011 at 10:15 am

    Oh I’m so sorry that you had to go through this while away from home. Our family recently had to put our dog, Baylie, down. I live in Pittsburgh and they live in Philadelphia and at the time my brother was in China. My mom had to make the decision to do it one day when all of a sudden she took a turn for the worse. Hearing about it over the phone was hard and it was even harder for my brother to come home from China and to not have his dog anymore. I hope you and your family will be okay, especially your girls, its tough to lose a pet at a young age like that. It helps remembering all the amazing ways that your pet added to your family. I’m sure Tobi was so very loved.

  • Kate N. August 30, 2011 at 10:18 am

    I’m so sorry to hear about Toby.

    In 1993 when I was 7, my mom drove me and my brother to Chicago to drop us off to stay with our aunt while she and my dad went on vacation. She stayed a few nights to get us settled in, but before she went back my dad called to tell us that my mom’s old yellow lab/greyhound had finally passed away. I’ll never forget mom coming into my dark room to tell me. The dog had been her child before she had us

    Your girls will have the memories of Toby that they left with, which is the blessed thing. Going home won’t quite be the same, but the distraction of your trip might be a good thing. I know it was for me in 1993. Toby knew he was loved!

  • Melissa@Julia's Bookbag August 30, 2011 at 10:28 am

    I am so so sorry Jenna. Pets break your heart, don’t they? I’m still mourning the loss of my sweet Annabelle, the nicest yellow lab who ever drew breath. Take care and be well. He was a lucky little kitty to have had such a loving family.

  • sarah August 30, 2011 at 10:30 am

    oh jenna… I’m so terribly sorry for your family’s loss. I knew from your tweets that bad news may be coming and when I opened my blog reader this morning the title of your post brought tears to my eyes. It’s obvious that Tobi was a very well loved kitty and I’m sure he’s resting peacefully now. Sending lots of {virtual} hugs to you and the girls.
    – sarah

  • Michelle August 30, 2011 at 10:45 am

    I am so very sorry about precious Tobi. My heart hurts for you and your family. I’ve had cats all my life so I know exactly what you’re going through. I’m so, so sorry….crying as I write this. (((HUGE HUGS))).

  • Abby August 30, 2011 at 10:49 am

    I’m so sorry.

  • Katie August 30, 2011 at 10:51 am

    I just got tears in my eyes… so hard to be so far away and to say goodbye.

  • Linn Maria August 30, 2011 at 10:51 am

    So so sorry to hear this… I don’t even know what to say, it hits so close to home. It’s incredible how much love an animal can make you feel.

  • jen August 30, 2011 at 10:53 am

    So sorry for the loss of your kitty. I teared up reading this post cause I have a kitty that looks exactly like ours. Such a beautiful cat and I’m sure he knew he was loved by all of you ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Luann August 30, 2011 at 10:54 am

    I’m so sorry. We have two 14 year old cats and I can’t imagine how it would feel to not be able to say goodbye.

  • Joanna August 30, 2011 at 11:11 am

    Dear Jenna,
    I am so very sorry to hear your lost your precious little Tobi. I’m sure that he knew how very loved he was by you all and that he was not feeling lonely on his last day at all. He had a wonderful life and even though you couldn’t be with him you still got him the best care that he could have possibly had. When I lost my first little one I found it helpful to have his ashes returned to me in a tiny urn. I still keep them next to my bed beside his picture. Perhaps that might be comforting to you and the girls to have too.
    Hugs to you all,

  • gillian August 30, 2011 at 11:18 am

    makes me teary. it’s so tough. tobi knew your love was with him, even though you may have been far away.

  • rachel August 30, 2011 at 11:19 am

    so sorry, Jenna ๐Ÿ™ rest in peace, tobi…

  • red August 30, 2011 at 11:23 am

    I’m sorry to hear about Tobi, but having read your blog pretty regularly (thank you), I have no doubt that he knew you all loved him so much– Cats are so smart. And based on my own pet experiences, I think Tobi loved you all back so much that he maybe didn’t want to decline too much in front of his family that he loved so much and wanted to see happy. Sometimes our very tired pet loved ones need a little space in order to fall asleep.
    Hugs from an office in CA.

  • petrushka August 30, 2011 at 11:24 am

    you know what, Tobi was a very happy cat and that is all that matters. today you’re here, tomorrow you’re gone, it’s life. cats, dogs, people, we are not meant to be here forever, so better celebrate life while it lasts. a-men.

  • lesterhead August 30, 2011 at 11:25 am

    Tearing up reading this. We lost our kitty just about a year ago. It’s never easy. You gave him a good and happy life.

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