missing you

February 23, 2011 |  Category:   friends life

I’m really missing some friends lately, friendships that have drifted apart. Nothing may have happened…but sometimes you end up not spending as much time with someone as you once did. You may not even notice, but then one day you realize that it’s been a month, 5 months, a year. How did this happen? And enough time has lapsed that when you need a friend, they no longer become the first person you reach out to.

It’s unrealistic to expect any friendship to stay intact exactly as they are. It’ll evolve as its meant to and people really do outgrow each other, so I’m guessing that when I’m missing a friend, it’s not only about that person, but a particular time in my life associated with that friendship. Sometimes it’s best to leave some friendships alone in whatever state they end up and maybe it takes a certain level of maturity to accept that. But I wonder, with all this linking and following and reaching out to the past, does social media make us feel less lonely? Or more?

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  • jill February 23, 2011 at 6:07 am

    I lost touch with a very good friend 9 years ago, not really sure how it happened, just life changed for both of us etc. I used to wake up having dreamt about her feeling really upset and wondering where in the world she was. Then 2 weeks ago she found my blog and emailed me! We chatted on the phone and caught up on the past nine years. Turns out she has missed me just as much. Sometimes old friends come back to you! It’s a great feeling. xx

  • FunkySteph February 23, 2011 at 6:30 am

    That is a very good question…. I think it all depends on each one capacity to make the clear distinction between real and virtual…
    I understand your mindset in this post as I am living in a very small country where people come and go, you met great ones that you see for sometinme and then they leave… and it is very difficult to nurture friendship adequalty when distance is in the middle…. a bit like love…
    But I must say I have met so many wonderful people thanks to the virtual world and some of them have been met in real and friendship was born this way….

  • mary katharine February 23, 2011 at 7:14 am

    Good question. I have enjoyed the social media outlets, as we are military and it keeps me very connected to old friends and neighbors and family who are scattered all over the world. However, maybe it does make me long for their presence all the more … being so close, yet so far at the same time. If nothing else, I miss the thought out communication old fashion mail would bring. You just can’t get that full thought, many times, in our day of instant communication. We are blessed by it, but yes, we are definitely have lost something with it, too.

  • Annie February 23, 2011 at 7:53 am

    WOW Jenna,
    Exactly how I feel.
    Social media is making us forget about that real human connection and uniqueness of it.

  • Laura February 23, 2011 at 11:03 am

    I think certain aspects of social media (hello, facebook!) make us wonder “what if.” What if I had tried harder…what if I had been there…what if I had made that work…

    For me, it wasn’t all that much fun the first time, so all that social media does for me right now (the stuff from the past, anyway) is make me cringe. I’m living in the now.

  • diamondkelt February 23, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    I still try and write letters because it seems like I’m reaching back out to that person. Even to my mom and grandma who are only like 40 min away.
    The social media like facebook for me, helps me keep in touch so I don’t fall out of touch so often, especially with people who I can’t physically see every day.

  • veggietestkitchen February 23, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    I think social media (social networking sites specifically) creates the illusion that everyone is more connected so it raises the perceived benchmark of optimal connectedness for the individual. In reality however, I don’t think people are more connected. Take facebook for instance, it’s a virtual cocktail party. no significant interaction really takes place with people you don’t already have a strong bond with. it simply displaces the old form of communication. As for meeting new people or reconnecting, in my experience it provides a nice buzz at the beginning of the relationship, but if the relationship isn’t supported by other strong bond interactions (skyping, phone chats, meeting in person) then the frienship inevitably drifts away, and the person just becomes a number in your friend collection. Hence the need people feel to keep getting greater and greater number of friends. It’s all irrational.

    This social media, however, the blogging outlet, makes me feel connected to a group of similarly interested people on an ongoing basis. It’s not strong bond connectedness. It’s more reality TV-like with the ability to interact through comments.

  • donnaB February 23, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    interesting…I just read somewhere how our friendships fulfill the different times in our life. Some are only for a season or two while others could be lifelong.
    I’ve just began testing the Facebook waters and realize why a few of my high school friends and I were friends (they still are funny, caring, giving in their comments) yet; that feeling that they are true lifelong friends isn’t really there anymore.
    I’m having a “best” friend over for dinner tomorrow that I haven’t seen for months and I know we’ll pick up where we left off last time…now, that’s a lifelong friend!

  • Chuzai Living February 24, 2011 at 9:14 am

    Beautifully written about the subject. Since we move around every couple of years, in our life friendship is not constant. In that sense social media helps me. In our fluid life, keeping up with friendship is not always easy. Social media doesn’t give me the fulfilling feelings that I get from hanging out with friends though.

  • dawn February 24, 2011 at 11:06 am

    i wish i had lifelong friendships, but for me that’s never been a realistic expectation (as a military brat). growing up i often missed my friends and longed for them. i think in my “old age” i’ve hardened a bit and don’t ache for past friendships, but maybe it’s because i know that my dearest friends will always be there no matter how far apart we are physically. i don’t care for social media and never use it like most folks, but i have to say that facebook has allowed me to find childhood friends, some who i haven’t seen or talked to in at least 13 years. for that i am thankful.

    i hope you’re able to get in touch with your friend and catch up 🙂 it’s always nice to reminisce.

  • sarah February 24, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this post and i think it helped to clear some craziness in my mind. so thanks again for always writing about issues that so many of us wish we could talk openly about!
    In the past year or so I’ve gone through a pretty huge life shift and while it’s most definitely for the positive in the long run, it caused me to start over in a lot of ways. one of the biggest areas of change was in my circle of friends. i let go of many that were close and got closer to some that I had allowed to drift too far away. while it was difficult to deal with at the time, looking back on the past months I realize that not all friendships are meant to be lifelong, and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing or a sign of failure. we all go through so many phases of life and not everyone we surround ourselves with go through the same steps with us. we bring people into our lives who relate to our experiences, we learn from them, lean on them, and hopefully give some of the same back to them as well! I guess I’ve just learned to be incredibly thankful for the couple of lifetime friends that I have, I hold them dear to my heart and am learning to not take them for granted. But, I’m also trying my best to enjoy the friendships of those that come & go… nurturing them while they are here and understanding why they may end.
    anyways. I have no idea if that makes any sense. but, it felt good to get out. thanks for the lovely blog that allows all of us to share so freely in both your thoughts and our own!

  • Grumble Girl February 24, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    I know. I soooooo know…

  • Visty February 24, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    I had a friend tell me once that she felt friends come into our lives when we need them. She also believed that if friends drifted apart, it was natural and needed, and never intended to last forever in the first place. I’m not sure what I believe, but I know that I learned from even those friends that didn’t last for long.