out of sync

March 19, 2013 |  Category:   friends life


I’m in one of these phases where I’m feeling out of sync with a lot of people right now. It’s nothing dramatic, but just a slight feeling like I’m out of step with everybody, online and in real life. The boundaries are blurred now anyway. I’ve also been thinking about some people who aren’t in my day to day life anymore. I mean they are there because of the “wonders” of the internet and I can see aspects of their lives that they choose to share, but it doesn’t have anything to do with mine. It almost feels voyeuristic when a friendship is reduced to a few status updates as the remaining thread that connects you. In this way, Facebook seems to magnify that loss of meaningful friendship rather than make us feel connected, when people drift away gradually from your life whether it’s just for a little while or permanently.

I know it’s perfectly natural for relationships to evolve and fluctuate, but sometimes it makes me wonder what happened. These are the things I think about when I sit in my room looking out the window on gloomy, rainy days.

The kid’s been doing this a bit too, something she calls her “dark time”, where she’ll sit in front of our bedroom window with the lights out after the sun goes down and look out the window. I wonder what she thinks about.

Maybe it’s this weather, this crappy no man’s land of weather where we’re somewhere in between Winter and Spring, that makes me want to cocoon myself at home and just listen to music (oh, it snowed again last night – wet, icy, slushy snow). Feels almost like those high school teenage days when shutting everything out but the music on your headphones was the only thing that seemed to make sense in the world.

But I know things are cyclical. March is always a weird, transitional month. Even the business slows down this month, a fact that we can map as a trend from our 5 years of monthly sales data. But sometimes we forget and we freak out over how slow it is and then we remember and go, oh…it’s March.

I know we’ll fall in sync again.


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  • Vivian Doan March 19, 2013 at 2:11 pm

    Jenna, I totally understand this post… so so much. And yes, I’ve done that freak out too. I have to remind myself every year that March is the best month to beat it. Go somewhere else and forget about work and business and just relax and enjoy or explore. Your post made me feel less anxious… I’m not alone. And I’ve been thinking too about all the stuff we write online. I have a personal blog and a business blog and I write a lot in my personal one. Well, I had two different meetings last week which began with the person across from me saying “This is so strange since I know so much about you…”. I freaked out and immediately turned my personal blog private. I think I’ve been oversharing for a while. I’m glad you are out there. Hang in there. It’s just March. And March always seems endless.

    • Jenna March 19, 2013 at 4:16 pm

      I’ve had those feelings too, to various degrees. I guess never enough to want to make the blog private or anything, but as I’ve written before, it does make me think a bit more carefully about what I want to post. I don’t know if the blog has hurt or helped our business – there is no way to measure that. Judging from emails and comments we get from some orders, i think it has helped. I think people like to know the story behind the brand.

  • Mikamera March 19, 2013 at 2:21 pm

    Not just in NY it is slowing down and still snowy and icy… Also miles and miles across the ocean in Amsterdam. We are also waiting for spring and so far we had only one day with a two digit number degrees celcius. Brrr.

    • Jenna March 19, 2013 at 4:09 pm

      Yeah, judging from my instagram feed, it looks like you guys have similar weather over there right now. But hey…the sun just came out right now!

  • louise @ buttercup days March 19, 2013 at 2:22 pm

    Mmmm, I so know what you mean. The weather really doesn’t help ones mindset. We’re also having snow in March here in the UK – crazy. Mind you, if I had those yummy looking doughnuts I’m sure it would certainly go someway to brightening up my month of March! x

    • Jenna March 19, 2013 at 4:18 pm

      Ha! this is an old photo that I took last year at a friend’s house in LA. So yeah…no donuts over here, unfortunately!

  • Nancy March 19, 2013 at 4:13 pm

    In some ways, this time of year is worse than the dead of winter, all this back and forth between almost-Spring-like weather and just downright nasty weather… The only thing that got me through last night-into-today’s rainy slush is the prediction that it will be 50 on Saturday, and somewhat sunny! Literally living for the weekend over here…

    • Jenna March 19, 2013 at 4:21 pm

      I think it is worse Nancy because we’re so tired of winter by March and we’re pining for Spring at this point. Well, right now it’s sunny and in the upper 40s. Not bad! Better than the slushy rainfall this morning.

  • Jen March 19, 2013 at 8:08 pm

    Yeah. I’ve been feeling like the girl up in the attic for the past few months, too. xo

    • nichole March 19, 2013 at 10:44 pm

      Jenna, Jen, all.

      I think it’s the time of year! I’ve been a total recluse, some self-imposed due to impossible project deadlines, some because of the weather, and some because our kids are now super active at school, with friends, etc. I am just exhausted, and I think the difference this year is that social media has lost a lot of the appeal it once had for me.

      I used to spend a LOT of time on twitter, for example, but now I rarely chat there (use it for news links, mainly). Something has changed, and I just don’t gravitate there much. Same goes for other sites like Facebook and Instagram. I use them much less. In a way that’s sad, because it was a nice way to feel connected, but I realize that it was a huge time suck for me and an bad excuse for not moving some things forward I’ve wanted to for a long time.

      • Jenna March 20, 2013 at 12:24 pm

        I hear you, and I know we’ve talked about this Nichole. I definitely am less compelled by twitter, etc. but I do pop in there because I feel like I do need to keep that line to other people open or else I would REALLY feel isolated.

  • Jeanne March 19, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    Oh yes, I get that feeling too. I’m thankful that I’m naturally introverted or else I’d really drive myself crazy sometimes. I’m out in the west coast and I get the same mood with the opposite weather pattern. The sun shines so much out here that I can get the blues when it’s day after day of bright, blinding, boiling sun. I begin to long for rain or fog or something different. (snow would be too much to ask for) I know that sounds selfish with how much wet and cold you’re getting over there. I suppose we all want a change of pace sometimes. Those donuts look awesome though!

  • Melissa@Julia's Bookbag March 20, 2013 at 12:38 am

    it’s a crazy time of year, yo! i feel like I’ve been out of synch for the past 6 months. 🙂

  • curate the day March 21, 2013 at 1:40 am

    This may sound strange, but I actually I feel more isolated looking at twitter. Maybe it’s because I am not on there with friends, but it seems to amplify lives and conversations that have nothing to do with my life. I guess much of social media can do that, make you feel connected to people in many ways, but at the same time point out where you are not connected. February is usually the transitional, off-kilter, out of sync month for me, but now we are almost to the end of March and many things still haven’t fallen into step. Being from California, the weather has been perkier than I have been lately, but with spring break days away, I am guess I am finally starting to embrace the year. Hopefully it shines there soon.

  • carolyn March 21, 2013 at 6:44 am

    Oh, Jenna, this post makes me sad. I do often think about how I am keeping in touch with my “old life” but just on the surface. Like you said those little snippets you read from people who aren’t a part of your life anymore can make you feel more disconnected sometimes. Still, probably more often than not, those little updates make me smile. Or maybe I just don’t have those intense longings to feel like my NYC life is not totally over just yet. Used to be that I felt so disconnected and homesick (esp when you’d blog about the glorious autumn with all those colors!) when I read about stuff happening there, but now it feels far away and I’m ok with it. Btw, Pema is growing up to be a moody one like Mia. She often broods and reflects on life too!

  • Jenna March 21, 2013 at 9:01 am

    @carolyn I think the moodiness is hormonal!! Ahhh, they are pretty much at that age, you know. I don’t get sad when I see status updates from friends who have moved away…I guess because of distance, it really is nice to see them. I guess the ones that magnify the change in friendship are the local people who you could still see in your life, but for whatever reason, are not anymore.

  • victoria March 23, 2013 at 1:36 am

    I could totally go a donut right now! I do understand – when our elder daughter who is 9 has that feeling she tells me she feels like “squashed raspberries”. I feel differently now when I’m down, but I remember the exact feeling when I was growing up, but do wonder if it’s the same. When you’re heading into spring and warmer weather, here in the southern lands we’re in fall waiting for winter a reprieve from a hot summer.