I’m in one of these phases where I’m feeling out of sync with a lot of people right now. It’s nothing dramatic, but just a slight feeling like I’m out of step with everybody, online and in real life. The boundaries are blurred now anyway. I’ve also been thinking about some people who aren’t in my day to day life anymore. I mean they are there because of the “wonders” of the internet and I can see aspects of their lives that they choose to share, but it doesn’t have anything to do with mine. It almost feels voyeuristic when a friendship is reduced to a few status updates as the remaining thread that connects you. In this way, Facebook seems to magnify that loss of meaningful friendship rather than make us feel connected, when people drift away gradually from your life whether it’s just for a little while or permanently.
I know it’s perfectly natural for relationships to evolve and fluctuate, but sometimes it makes me wonder what happened. These are the things I think about when I sit in my room looking out the window on gloomy, rainy days.
The kid’s been doing this a bit too, something she calls her “dark time”, where she’ll sit in front of our bedroom window with the lights out after the sun goes down and look out the window. I wonder what she thinks about.
Maybe it’s this weather, this crappy no man’s land of weather where we’re somewhere in between Winter and Spring, that makes me want to cocoon myself at home and just listen to music (oh, it snowed again last night – wet, icy, slushy snow). Feels almost like those high school teenage days when shutting everything out but the music on your headphones was the only thing that seemed to make sense in the world.
But I know things are cyclical. March is always a weird, transitional month. Even the business slows down this month, a fact that we can map as a trend from our 5 years of monthly sales data. But sometimes we forget and we freak out over how slow it is and then we remember and go, oh…it’s March.
I know we’ll fall in sync again.