It’s true what they say, when women claim they become surprisingly emotional as soon as they become mothers. Or often even sooner, as soon as they become pregnant. I’ve certainly cried during enough sappy commercials during the heightened hormonal time of pregnancy. What took me by surprise is that this emotional vulnerability never really leaves. It’s been what, more than five years since I’ve had my last baby? But I can still get teary over looking up at a sunset trying to break through the clouds? Or stranger yet, over seemingly nothing? Who is this person? Certainly not the same person from 10 years ago.
I find that I’m often moving through life these days, half in the grounded reality of dealing with life’s everyday challenges and half in like some sort of dream state observing things around me, but from some kind of outside perspective like you’re floating above everything. I know that age and reflecting back on 20 years might have something to do with it. How did we get here. To this home. This stuff. These kids. This moment in time. And where are we going?
I’m far too good at holding on to the past. It’s not that I’m afraid of the future, but sometimes it’s hard to process that I’m already here. So I focus on the things most important in my life that help me stay grounded. Family. Music. Friends. Hope.