Can we fast forward to next Friday?
I’ll be straight up and tell you that I’m scared and I want next week to be over with already. In the last few weeks, I don’t think I’ve seen as many doctors, specialists or had as many tests in the last 6 years (maybe ever? Aside from pregnancies?) put together for 3 unrelated health issues I’m dealing with right now. I’m getting probed and poked by lots of needles and other apparatuses and it hasn’t really been all that fun. It’s not even over. It’s like as soon as I turned 40, all sorts of things in my body started crapping out on me. I mean, I’m at an age where you have to do mandatory medical screenings for certain things and other than maybe getting a subscription to AARP in the mail (not yet!!), nothing makes me feel as old as this. Symptoms that might have been waved away by doctors as being “probably nothing” when you’re in your 20s or even 30s, are taken with precaution when you’re 40. And it was almost comical when it went down something like this the other day:
Doc: “Oh, you’re not old at all. You’re only 34”.
Me: “Uh, no I’m not. I just turned 42.”
Doc: “Oh! Hmmm, yes…I read the birth year wrong. Oh, well in that case, at 40 we start reading the symptoms a little bit differently. I need to send you in for this procedure to rule out more serious causes”.
Me: “Oh. Right…damn.”
I’m a terrible worrier. I always have been and it’s not really something I can change about my personality very easily. I don’t want to be a worrier. Believe me, I am trying. And despite the fact that I try to think otherwise, I also kind of suck at being an optimist. I don’t think I’m a pessimist by any means, but I’ve always been more of a realist. Can I tell you a story though? Someone in our immediate family was recently dealt with a medical blow that was completely unexpected. He’ll be in a hospital in Seattle for the next 3 or so months recovering and learning how to live without the use of his legs. This bit of news probably had a lot to do with the fact that I am finally dealing with some of my health issues. His positive outlook on all this is admirable. I can only hope to be half that positive if I were ever dealt that hand, but I suppose you’ll never really know how you would react to something until it happens to you. Until then, I know nothing. Nothing has happened. Just keep reminding myself that.