What is it they say, about living life to its fullest? The happy moments alongside the tragic, the stress alongside those moments of contentment? Anger, frustration, elation, victory, anxiety. Well, if that’s true, then this has been a very full year. I suppose I believe, more or less, in that theory that life doesn’t hurl things at you that you can’t handle. All that stuff about life lessons learned and getting stronger…after awhile it’s just noise. Most times you put one foot in front of the other because what other choice do you have? Keep up or drown and somewhere in between, hope that you’re making a difference in somebody’s life.
It hasn’t been easy writing posts lately. I used to bang out a blog post every night (who was that person?). Now it takes days to finish ones I’ve started. Putting down words is harder. There’s less I want to say, and there are some things I need to keep closer to my heart for now (more of life’s little blindsiding surprises). The road ahead of me isn’t going to be easy, but that’s my mistake for thinking there might be some kind of closure. There will be hard times, but lots of good ones too. In all of this, I’m actually thankful I can feel. Because when you stop taking in all these complex emotions and start feeling nothing, that’s when you should be worried. So the fact that I can stop and marvel at the colorful leaves, admire a flower on somebody’s desk, crave a certain food, or laugh at something the kids have said, is an encouraging sign that I haven’t given up. Far from it.