one year

May 26, 2015 |  Category:   life

jpark_1year

I wrote a post about the one year anniversary of my brother’s death and birthday today, but I decided to delete it. Seems like that’s how it’s been going these days – second guessing everything. I’m too tired to write clearly, but maybe it was also too soon to write the post that I’ve been wanting to write.

 

In time.
 
Mostly what I’ve been thinking is, how can it be one year already? What’s in a year? Everything, nothing, all of it in between. It feels like a long time, but also like no time has passed. Angry, sad, and every contradiction in the book. It also reminds me of when I was little and how death seemed so enormous to me – not because I was necessarily scared of it, but because it sounded so final. Trying not to get overwhelmed by the finality of it all.

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  • Jennifer Bohrer May 27, 2015 at 1:33 am

    Jenna, it’s perfectly fine to write things just for yourself. Maybe share with your girls when they are older. Some things, some emotions can stay private.

  • Roos May 27, 2015 at 2:23 am

    Dear Jenna,
    Trust me, the title of your post says it all. Even though I don’t know you personally, or your brother, the two of you cross my mind often.
    Sending love!
    Roos

  • Rain M May 28, 2015 at 11:27 pm

    sending you virtual good vibes, jenna. hang in there. it must have been (and continue to be) so hard.

  • susan // fleurishing May 29, 2015 at 4:41 pm

    so sorry Jenna…even if you didn’t post it, I’m sure it was cathartic to write it out. xo

  • Becky May 29, 2015 at 5:52 pm

    Jenna, I’ve enjoyed your insights for years – so much of what you share resonates with our lives as we’re self-employed, trying markets for the first time and my husband’s been making his way as a freelance designer and living through the changes of getting older and shifting opportunities. You’ve given me much food for thought over the years and lots of photographic eye candy 🙂 And since your brother died, I read so much of my family’s story between the lines as we lost my 20 year old nephew to suicide 4 years ago. I don’t know the details of your brother’s life or death but I can so relate to the suddenness, the grief and the unanswered questions. I had never experienced grief like his before and the force of it has taken us all by surprise. As much as it’s possible via the internet, you’ve not walked this journey alone. You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers and I hope your family will find the comfort you need in the difficult times and joy to celebrate your brother’s part in the lives around him.

    • Jenna June 1, 2015 at 10:15 pm

      So sorry to hear about your nephew Becky 🙁 Appreciate your thoughts and your comforting words.

  • Diane June 1, 2015 at 9:41 pm

    thinking of you in this time of pain and uncertainty…and grateful for you presence here.

  • Imogen June 5, 2015 at 3:50 pm

    I’m thinking of you at this anniversary. It doesn’t feel like a year since I read your post about your brother’s death. A childhood friend of mind committed suicide last week, and I wrote a poem at my writers’ group, but wish I hadn’t read it in the group – it was the writing I needed, nothing else. I hope that this next year allows a little more certainty and a little less conflicting emotions (though I don’t want this to sound trite or pat, it isn’t meant that way). Good wishes from the UK.

    • Jenna June 7, 2015 at 7:43 pm

      Sorry for your recent loss of your friend, Imogen. Thanks for taking a moment to leave a comment here. Best wishes to you.

  • Mefi June 5, 2015 at 11:01 pm

    Hugs!

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