It was 82 degrees today.
And in that way that Spring sneaks up suddenly and then passes over entirely, we were in sandals and short sleeves. The trees that were bare just a few days ago had magnolia blossoms and the tiniest green buds that opened into leaves overnight.
I left the house early this morning, joining the early morning rush hour commuters into Manhattan after dropping the kids off to school and didn’t come back until after the kids got home. After a photoshoot for a client, I walked around Soho and had lunch with a friend out on a restaurant patio. I even wore a dress. I think I’m starting to emerge from the (self-imposed) confinement of winter, and now with a bit a time before my next project starts, I’m making plans and seeing friends.
I had a realization after talking with a few people recently and finally came to a bit of clarity on what I feel has been missing from my life. I’m missing art. Not the kind of creativity reserved for client work or even stuff that I’m creating for the business, but art for myself. This is surprising for a number of reasons, but mostly because I haven’t felt any desire to create art in a really long time. When I started giving it more thought, I questioned whether I ever made art for myself outside of maybe my childhood, despite the fact that I’ve been creative one way or another my whole life. There was always some sort of agenda or end goal – a school grade, a teacher’s critique, an art scholarship, or a client approval. I think taking up photography again in recent years was a step towards doing something creative just for the joy and exploration, but I haven’t pushed it far enough. I don’t know if I’m ready to bust out the paints or anything yet, but it’s time to do something.
I always latched onto this concept of paying yourself first when it comes to finances and saving. It’s guided the way I approach money and this philosophy has served us well over the years. I realized the other day that time can be as valuable a commodity as money and there’s no reason not to approach it the same way. So I’m challenging myself to pay myself first; instead of becoming frustrated with the lack of time to pursue my own projects, I’m going to pay myself in time each day, even if all I can manage to squeeze some days is 30 minutes. Let’s see what happens.