sometimes you can be your own worst enemy

July 2, 2008 |  Category:   art + design life me


I’ve been feeling a bit insecure the last few days. I seem to go through this cycle every few months where I get a bit down and begin to question the path we’re on when things get a little slow. Some of my smaller work projects got unexpectedly pushed back a few weeks which was welcome relief, but as much as I try not to, I start to get very antsy if I’m not working. I know that in a few short weeks I will get slammed as all my projects, big and small, will most likely start at the same time, so I’m trying to spend this unexpected free time drawing and sewing and not dwelling on the slow progress of things. How does one learn to relax? Is it something you can learn? I can’t stop my head from spinning with a million business ideas and projects and other things I want to accomplish. Mostly because I have this big responsibility to provide for my kids and I’ve convinced myself that climbing the corporate ladder is not the path to achieve this, at least not for me. Still, sometimes I get tired of “just getting by”. I thought by the time you reached your mid to late thirties you would have it figured out. Trying to figure out what you want to do when you grow up, at this age, is getting a bit old I must say.

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  • Mery July 2, 2008 at 9:07 pm

    I’m right at that same point too… and yes, by now, it kind of sucks…

  • jennifer July 3, 2008 at 8:34 am

    yes, frustrating I’m sure. But maybe that’s a little more ideal than having everything already mapped out. It keeps us on our toes?

  • cyndi July 3, 2008 at 8:37 am

    I know that feeling. I was so sure of my path when I was younger and now that life has happened, sometimes I’m not sure who I am or what I should be doing. I, too, thought by this time (mid-30’s) I’d know the clear direction of my path and wouldn’t spend so much time feeling like all I do is spin my wheels.

    I hate that you’re feeling this way but I have to be honest, its nice to know I’m not alone!

  • Lani July 3, 2008 at 10:42 am

    Jenna…look at your artwork. Isn’t it telling you something? It’s what you love, it’s beautiful, people are attracted to it. You say you can’t figure out what you should be doing, but I think you’re doing it. Frame those stunning little paintings and sell them at the Flea. See what happens.

  • woodley park-zoo July 3, 2008 at 1:42 pm

    Love your blog, haven’t read enough of it yet but especially enjoyed the account of your motorly-slow-but-verbally-advanced daughter. Amazing! They say that everyone learns things differently, at different stages and that’s why it’s too bad they’re all forced to go ‘on track’ in school and stuff.

    And also, I can feel the wheel-spinning in my own life but don’t have remotely any touch of accomplishments that you surely have at this point. Mostly I wanted to share a link to a book that might be good for you? It seems very interesting and supportive, although I haven’t gotten it yet.

  • christy July 3, 2008 at 1:46 pm

    Wow, I so know what you’re saying! I am 36, with a business and two kids, and often wonder the same thing. But, if you look at it this way…our parents had it figured out “sort of” because they had to, and they grew up very fast and didn’t enjoy their chosen professions most of the time. Our generation was able to play around and try things, which is why we are also younger looking and acting than what our parents were at this age. (have you ever seen your parents at your current age? they look so…mature!)

    It might seem hectic and random now, but our kids will grow up with a freedom and a confidence that we didn’t because they get to see their parents challenge themselves, and conquer obstacles, while still making their life great.

    You’ll get there…and I’ve had your shortbread…so be careful what you wish for, you might just get so busy you’ll wish you were back to doing a lot of nothing. Good luck!

  • unha July 3, 2008 at 10:50 pm

    oh i know what you mean.
    i think the motto we gotta live by is.. just do it and when you do it, give total love since who knows what will come the next day?.. (while being responsible.. after all, got many mouths to feed and diapers to buy.. and etc.. )
    am loving the sketches. bring’em over next time!

  • anny July 7, 2008 at 11:23 am

    i kinda feel u! i’m in the corp world and ALWAYS have itches to break out. but student loans need repaying, u know? 🙂

  • selkie July 11, 2008 at 8:12 pm

    I’m nearly 57, and have thrown my life to the winds a few times, always scary but oh so wonderful a time, for the kids and for me, to take on new challenges, incorporate all you know into a new direction, discover new parts of you that you didn’t know or trust before. Be open and flow with the intuitive sense of self.
    and draw, keep drawing. It opens you to yourself.