Who’s doing the pressuring you say? None other than myself. So much pressure, but this is how I am, even as a kid, always. I’m realizing that these project goals that I have set and my current inability to meet them, whether because of state of mind, time, illness, other commitments, whatever…have shrouded me in a fog of guilt. It isn’t a new feeling – I’ve learned to let go of some of that at some point along the way because I used to be a lot worse. You know, one of those people who couldn’t sit still, who thought that laying around watching TV was a waste of time, and so I’d have to multi-task with 3 other things (okay, I still do that). But having kids took some of that irrational thinking away. For the first time in my life, I was okay with “just” hanging out and doing nothing. So I really need to push these feelings of guilt that are starting to rear its head around the edges again.
I recently had a great night out with my friend Lindsey, who is a fellow neighborhood mom who I’ve known for years, but is also an artist and lighting designer. Aside from her amazing, and I mean, AMAZING work, what I admire about her is that I really feel like she’s figured out the work/life balance thing. She can go to her studio, do her work, stop when it’s time, and come home. This is how she wants it to be and this has been her priority. She *makes* it happen. Talking with her about the insecurities, the neurosis, risk taking and whether or not it is a learned or inherent personality trait and just basic shop talk about being an independent designer was just what I needed. Even though she is very prolific, she’s always seems very relaxed and organic about her work flow.
So whose timeline am I on? Why such pressure to get things done all at once? A little light goes off, but sometimes you need a friend to help you see it. Nobody is putting that pressure on you. Nobody else cares if you tackle that project now or later. I used to feel bad that we weren’t doing more events and flea dates as all of our other Brooklyn foodie friends. They were seemingly everywhere, doing this thing and that, but we’ve come to grips with the fact that we’re at a different stage in life than they are. It makes sense. We’re not 28 anymore.
And here we are, already approaching the end of January. I have only been working sporadically the last few weeks, but I have yet to touch anything on my projects or to do list.
And that is ok.