We’re nearing the end of January – how did that happen? Despite not working this month, it’s been a good month and business is coasting right along. Remember a few posts back when I wrote that I didn’t trust in myself enough? I feel like I’m learning to do that this month, but it’s happening organically, not forced. There are a few things that are still making me quite anxious, but I’m trying really hard not to worry about it. It’s out of my hands and if it happens, it happens. In the meantime, I’m looking at this “free time” as a gift to work on some projects that I am most excited about – some money making ventures and some that are not.
So how did my usual nervous-about-work-and-money, worried-to-the-point-of-depression self get to this very zen place?
It’s all about trust.
I’m trusting in my abilities to make projects happen this year.
I’m trusting in my freelance career to bring work when the time and project is right. If I look back at the 8 years of being on my own, there has ALWAYS been work, even when I’ve gone through dry spells of a month or two. Every year that I’ve freelanced I’ve brought in more income than the year before and of course the tides can change, but instead of brushing that comforting fact aside when I’m feeling anxious, I have to start trusting in this track record. But I also won’t feel like a failure if the record reverses or if I lapse back into a momentary state of anxiety.
I’m trusting that the business will be able to pay all our bills. Not now, but someday.
And the career shift? I’m making plans, brainstorming and finally seeing a way. Remember the documentary, Lemonade, that I wrote about late last year? I went to the screening last Friday and although it was shorter than I expected (I wish the documentary went more in depth about each story as it left me wanting to know more), it was still a good way to start off the year – a reinforcement of sorts – as to why some of us make the leap to independence without turning back. Let’s not romanticize this as I know the process is hard, full of soul searching with periods of self doubt, sacrifices and maybe some weeks of eating nothing but rice, beans and pasta. But I trust in this decision completely.