up and down, round and round

November 8, 2013 |  Category:   life

jpark_cp2

jpark_cp

Are we at that point where we’re evaluating the year now that it’s November? My mind is certainly wandering that way. I think overall 2013 was a good year, though admittedly we have some of the most hectic weeks in the business still to come. I don’t feel like life, however, has necessarily progressed forward these past few years and this year was no different in that regard. It’s hard breaking out of a rut, isn’t it? Especially when there are so many moving parts that need to work together to make a household run smoothly. Sometimes it’s safer to coast on what you know. Sometimes there isn’t really any time to break the cycle, not when you have to constantly run to make life work.

 

I’m craving change, yet there is also this feeling like things are going relatively well right now so why upset the balance? Certainly, there are little changes that happen all the time, but I’m talking about that kind of change that makes you question if you’re crazy, that makes you feel scared and giddy at the same time, that makes sense one minute, but not the next.
 
But life keeps moving along, so much so that sometimes you don’t realize how much time has passed. Then suddenly…you are here. Here is not bad. In fact, it’s pretty good. It’s just confusing sometimes when pretty good can feel like not enough.
 
jpark_cp3

The biggest change around here are the girls. I find parenting this age tougher than when they were babies and toddlers. Not only are we nurturers and providers, but we are also now therapists, tutors, guidance counselors, mediators and personal assistants. Sometimes I find myself questioning my parenting skills; I think we all do one time or another. I worry that I’m not doing enough and other times I worry that I’m interfering too much. There have been tough times here lately on the family front, and this…this is what I need to keep reminding myself…that when I feel the pressure to do “more” with my life because it seems like everyone around me is on a fast track upwards, I need to remember that the girls need me now, more than ever.
 
jpark_cp4

You Might Also Like

  • Pink Ronnie November 8, 2013 at 6:07 pm

    That last paragraph, Jenna – I totally hear you.
    Constantly questioning my parenting of our boys, and constantly having to remind myself that they need me, and that being their mother is the one thing that no-one else can do.
    Ronnie xo

    • Jenna November 8, 2013 at 9:50 pm

      Beautiful way of putting it Ronnie. It is absolutely true.

  • Roseann November 8, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    Your writing has a way of bringing me back down to earth when I’m too much in my head, so thank you. I was just reveling at the light in my apartment, the sun setting so early and so fast. It made me think about how it’s already over a week into November and the last few months have breezed by. This time last year was so much more hectic for me (commuting and working retail full time, in school on my days off) and this year I have been able to do so much more for myself. And even though I have better balance than I did a year ago, I too am craving change. A move, a new job, big stuff. Sometimes I wish I could be content with things for longer, and then I think life is too short, and good things come from change, so why wait any longer?!

    • Jenna November 8, 2013 at 9:56 pm

      yes, what *are* we waiting for? But I guess that was the conclusion I came away with. I want to do everything, but really right now the most important thing for me is to be there for the girls at these critical years and that is as important a job as anything else at the moment. So I guess I am waiting for them to grow a little older before really thinking about next big steps.

      • Roseann November 8, 2013 at 10:19 pm

        A very noble conclusion.

  • Diane November 9, 2013 at 10:47 am

    Jenna – You are a wise mama and you describe the balancing act so well, life in general, and specifically with kids. I always appreciate your thoughts.

    • Jenna November 12, 2013 at 12:54 am

      Thanks Diane.

  • Caroline November 9, 2013 at 4:25 pm

    Jenna,

    I feel like it’s a privilege to hear the conversations you have with yourself, thank you for sharing. As I read this post, I was reminded of this video a friend sent and want to share it. The message is to take it easy on yourself (isn’t that hard for parents to do!) and I’m glad you already know this! How hard we are on ourselves as mothers often doesn’t reflect at all what our kids think of us. We are probably doing a way better job than we think!

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/31/the-video-every-mom-must-watch_n_4181007.html

    Caroline

    • Jenna November 12, 2013 at 12:54 am

      Thanks for video link – I hadn’t seen it before.

  • Jacqui November 10, 2013 at 5:10 am

    I’ve been home with my 2 kids since they were born and now, with one 13.5 and the other 12 yrs old, I find I am just champing at the bit to find ‘me’ and be ‘me’ and have a measure of success that is just for me. I forget sometimes that the crucial years are upon them and that a present mum (and dad) is what they really need now to help them navigate the teen waters… So, for me (and others?) the challenge is how to reconcile finding me while still being present for them. Such a challenge. I battle daily.

    Thank you Caroline for the above link; it really gave me pause for thought (and the chance to shed a tear or two!)

    Jacqui

  • Karyn November 11, 2013 at 11:47 am

    My little one will be two later this month (love November birthdays!) and I have been reading your blog since before he was born. You are an inspiring momma for me, and I love reading what you write about the process!

  • Bobbi November 14, 2013 at 7:36 am

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts Jenna. You are a beautiful writer. It is hard to balance that is for sure, but the most important job for me now is being a mother. My daughter will be grown and off on her own soon enough, so I want to be there for her and savor every second of it.

  • FACEBOOK TWITTER INSTAGRAM PINTEREST BLOGLOVIN