I still don’t even really know what Rainbow City is and we just went there.
School’s out. As predicted, Mia shed a lot of tears so Mark and I decided that she needed to go to a happy place. Bouncing around Rainbow City seemed like a happy idea. I’m relishing the fact that I don’t have to wake up early in the mornings for a few weeks until camp starts, despite whatever time the girls decide to wake up. It’s like I’m on summer vacation. I know. I’m pretty lucky that they are so self sufficient in the morning and don’t wake me up, ever. I’m also relishing this time of relative leisure which has started this week. Ok, the truth is I actually spent the day yesterday panicking on and off about my light work schedule. I think it was the first day since I decided that I wanted to take most of the summer off that I felt worried, irresponsible. No one is paying me to take a vacation. After all, if I don’t work, I don’t get paid.
But let me explain the need for this break. I often feel like I’m stuck in a vicious cycle: I want to expand our business and work on a few personal projects, but there is never enough time because I need to work to support our family, but none of these things are going to happen unless I free up more of my time. I often think how backwards it is that the business often takes a backseat to any other work obligations that I have. We’re trying to build a future with the biz, so shouldn’t it be the other way around? So this isn’t about a break from work. It’s a break from paying work, but I’ve got a list a mile long of things I want to get done. There’s a personal project that I’m working on that requires a lot of time, time that I will never have unless I make the time, so I am deciding to make the time. Sometimes when I let fear and rational thoughts creep in like it did yesterday, the decision seems questionable. Other times it feels like it needs to happen if I ever want to take a step outside of this cycle and try to fulfill anything on my list of goals. It’s scary. But I think I’ve come to the realization that things won’t really fall into place unless you start investing in yourself.